Saturday, October 20, 2007

pick myself up...cyrus cant fall down..i tol myself i must keep up...any fuckin' reason..i have to be tough...this is wat can i do...started fom scratch again but good things never seems to go my way...i feel that god is picking on me,is this some test? god,then i accept all de shits you'd given me..thank you so much..
i seldom talk about my family but truth is the situation is really fuckin'bad...how many of you out there can understand? not many..no one maybe...
i didnt blame you my dearest kok..i cant figure all de shit you'd done,i didnt blame you,although there is so much hate in me that i dont know how to exhaust all this..but i stil love you,longer than 4ever...cos you're de only brother for cyrus..i didnt blame anyone but myself...
talking to my mom really made me feel a whole lot lighter -in the heart- because she has been through more than me n' the amount of pain she had withstand is unbelievable...i cried to my mum today..soli for made you woli again...i know it's selfish to leave my mommy behind but i don't want to be a burden to her..soli mum..cyrus knows how to tcare of himself..wen i'm down,i can always cound on my mum bcos she's always there wen i need her...thank mom,i love you..
i was talking about my family issues??yes i do..
the emotional trauma is way too big for me to handle,there is so much hate in me that i don't know how to exhaust all this..i’m a cheerful happy-go-lucky guy..but goods things never seems to go my way recently…cos i’m unhappy??…unhappy-got not- lucky? so i'd choose to be happy regardless; but some side effects are unavoidable...i'd hang on as long as i'm still alive, i'd continue to spread joy and be happy regardless of my health.. i'd cherish every moment of what i'm left with*lol..sound like i'm goin' to die soon...i don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting to wake up one day n' find that i let all of these years go by wasted..i don't wanna keep on wishing, missing the still of the morning...the color of the night..i ain't spending no more time wasted..
cannot study mood happen to me recently..i got no motivation on study,i dono wat is happenin' seriously...but i have to study..thank for my fres bein' wit me...you guys touch me alots..once again..i have to be tough...i pray again to de stupid god..

no matter how much of my life has changed...i still picture myself sitting there alone..
fuck de world...

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