i'm sick!!
down wit de badCold.. headache.. grave fever..

miss you guys everyday..
mum.. kok n' my niece.. cyrus mis you guys..
i love you guys..
soli for my useless..
homePhobia?
soli for my lame excuse..
cyrus jus refuse to think..
soli for did nth for you guys..


god.. if you could hear me..
i jus wan myfamily doin' well..

maybe typin' it out in here will make me feel a little better..
i don't have a choice because i'm only left with nobody..
i can't tell anyone except for pen it down so please hear me out..
no1 is there to hear me out rite now n' i can't tell any1 bcos every1 is too busy..
mayb..
i can't even tell those person who care n' love me bcos i don't know how to speak n' to voice it out anymore..
it's not tat i don't want to tell but i don't know how to..
i believe nobody..


i feel horrible n' i feel so guilty..
i don't want to but sometimes i cannot help myself..
i always treat people i like n' people who are important to me like this..
is there somethin' wron' with me?
i hate myself for destroyin' all those things tat i once have everytime..
i didn't know how much i cherished them n' when it's lost..
my family.. my best fres.. my demon..
i start to panic n' blame myself for wat i have done n' for causin' so much unhappiness to them..
yet.. no matter how much i hate myself for doin' so..
i still do it cos i cannot help it...
i just cannot hide wat i feel n' i just need to express it out..
this is not a part of cyrus anymore...
this is wat i'm made up of..
this is cyrus..
i'm feelin' very stress n' guilty rite now..
cyrus is you against all..
you're useless..
de most useless shit in town!!


i don't know why i'm but there is just this clear sense of unhappiness lingerin' inside of me..
my fres kept tellin' me..
you're no longer young n' you must be mature in your thinkin' n' actions..
i will do so.. plannin'..
i most certainly will but at de sake of my own happiness i rather not..
then i'm labelled as bein' childish or immature...
impulsive.. BRAINLESS!! fucker!!


i'm thinkin' whether i stil have to further my study within this coupleWeeks..
i know de situation i'm in actually..
i know there is a solution..
i just refuse to think straight..
"fail to plan..then plan to fail.."
scold me.. but no1 dare to do it to me??
who care? i need sum1 slap me PLS!!


tell me how can i not feel better?
de bible teaches tat God loves all men n' wan them to know him..
yap.. cyrus so wan to know him..
this sound stupid for cyrus..
but how do i receive salvation fom de Lord?
pray sincerely?
thank de motherfuckin' God..

can you hear my pray?

onward n' upward..
today.. i'm seriously got no idea how to move further..
rite or left?
i'm seriously dono..
i felt helpless at de moment..
i felt lonely at de moment..


wat would de moment be like?
how would i react?
will i be all nervous?
imagine how would it be like?
i wont quit.. for everythin'..
my study my job..
i only get one chance..
even if i got no chance..
no matter how hard i have to make up for it..
i jus feel like there was a need to move further..
even i'm stil lost..
even i cant find any directions at de moment..
this feelin' suck n' horrible..
jus felt nth but emptiness..


i'll deal wit it..
i'm ready to face this world again..
wit de fake smile..more cruel.. selfish.. realistic..
i'm all proven rite..
within such a short period of time..
live wit it..