- 颜.赛勒斯 -

after school.. ampangPark McD again today...
have been lettin myself down a little too much today..
no.. this few days..
i'm still not performin' like how i should be..
cant really catch up my study..
i feel so alone sumtime.. most of de time..
i know i'm very choosy.. for everythin'..
like i'm livin' in my own world..


i hate de moment of group assignment nowadays..
"can i make it individual.. sir.. cos i can stil handle it"..
"NO! you have to find at least 1 pp"..


i suddenly keep my mount shut..
even i don seem to really know how i feel n' why i behave like this..
no one seems to know why i behave like this..
i'm livin' in my own world again..
i had this sour feelin' in heart tat made me feel like cryin'..
nobody care bout this anyway..
so why cry? ask myself..
no point to doin' this anymore..
so jus hide tat feelin' al de time..
jus go for my life n' wear a fake smile everyday..
wear it n' don reveal a single hint of unhapi..
even though deep inside i'm bleedin..
be realistic.. it's far too easy to fall prey..


if only thin' can get back to how it was last time..
i don think i'll feel so isolated anymore..
i m not anti-social.. jus forgot how to approach people in my life..
i'm don have any attitude problems..
jus tat i forgot how to smile fom de bottom of my heart..
worryin' bout my family.. de most i care about..
but i can talk to nobody.. i trust nobody now..
no one can understand cyrus..
i jus need a talk.. but i choice to be alone..
whenever i'm down.. i'll only count on my mom..
cal her after school today..
"mom..wat are you doin' there? free to talk to me? anythin' you do..don ask me wat happened.. cyrus jus wanna talk to you mom"
talkin' to my mom really made me feel a whole lot lighter in de heart...
i mis her so much..


if only i can go back to de time in de past..
i wan de time where i can see her smile...
de time where cyrus n' kok are beside her..
includin' my lovely niece now..
jus 4 of us.. jus a dinner.. jus simple..
then i can be truly hapi..
but now.. it seems to be driftin' further away...
i jus wan my mom's smile.. smile fom de bottom of heart..
i know.. de amount of pain she had withstand is unbelievable..
until now.. how can i make her hapi..
wat i know is jus make her woli n' disappoint her..
nearly cry to her today..
i know it's selfish to be a burden to her..
but who else i can talk to?
how much can i rely on a friend as i grow older?
i trust nobody..
i think i'm becomin' a pervert..
i've been stayin' with myself pretty much n' i'm kinda cut off fom de outside world this few years ..