- 颜.赛勒斯 -

hapiChineseNewYear..
i'm kinda borin' with Chinese New Year this year cause it's gettin' more n' more simple every year..
mayb i'm gettin' seriously old olrd...
nth to blog about.. this is another pointless entry again..
didnt get back to HOMETOWN this year..
surprisingly.. jus went back in rushin' b4 new year.. for de only few hours.. then went to my uncle home..
cyrus miss you all..
we used to spend de only CNY time together for de secondary school gang..
we can meet up like once a year or probably longer than that now..
when we do meet up.. we say it's because we miss each other but do we really miss each other that much?
if not..why can we go to de extent of not meetin' up for such a long time?
i know that we're all busy with our lives but de closeness that we used to share is really driftin' apart...
sometimes.. i don't even know what's up with de rest of their lives n' what they've been through or what they are goin' through currently..
de happy moments n' de sad moments that we used to share doesn't seem to be happenin' now..
i don't even know what is happenin' to them..
at this very moment.. cyrus mis them so much..
enjoyin' de moment wit tat gang cos i don need to maskin' myself...
i'm tired wit read other mind n' how to protect myself al de time...
yap.. i'm seriously gettin' older.. lol


watchin'TV sleepin for de entire CNY...
no outin' no yamcha no online-ing cos i known nobody there...
when turn n' look everywhere..
everyone is askin' you de same questions.. everyone is sayin' de same thin'..
but sadly.. i can't voice it out n' give an honest answer..
cos' i feel too ashamed...
knowin' that i could have done it n' yet i didn't.. i choose not to back then..
everyone puts on a happy smile n' i'm smilin' back at them..
but deep down feel so alone..
i choose to ignore watever i don wanna to..
worryin' bout my niece n' my mom..
lookin' back at all these years..
have i really worked hard n' motivated myself for whatever i want n' hope for?
what have i done to my 20++ years of life?
what are really my aims n' hopes in life?
do i even know what i want?
seriously... i'm lazy to strugglin' anymore..
de only thin' i wish to do is take good care of my family..
soli mom..